everything grate in 2014

az i wate fer da ball to drop

 mi mom an i wanna wish u an yerz 

everything grate in 2014!

luv, yer frendz

jh and Roberta

trying to get da stoopid video to werk.

http://img_2871.mov.mov

sumbody asked me abowt mi brudder matsui.

he iz heer, brudderz an sistahz.  he, unlike joba (duhr), comes into da howse at night ... an even stayz wid me durin da day.

he iz  good company an i enjoy givin him a nice bath ... an he does da same fer me.

i  am tryin to get dat movie  dat mi brudder mike took uv mat tryin to get mi attenshun an let him in da howse.  

i dunno if it'z gointa werk.

it'z too bad if it duzzen't becuz it'z golden globe material.

...

speekin uv  globez ...

i  will be celebrating da noo yeer widda silver disco ball tomorrow nite.

mi mom will definitely take a fabyoolus pikshur.

stay tooned.

crushing mi head*

mi mom wuz tellin me abowt a show she yoozed to watch called

"The Kids in the Hall"

an dey yoozed to do sumthin called
"I'm crushing your head" 
it made mi mom laff an laff.

so, dis mornin she decided to show me how it'z  done.

i dunno.  it duzzen't make sense to me.

mi mom hazza strange sense uv hyoomer sumtimez.

...

speekin uv strange ...

i understand dat blogger duzzen't alwayz make it easy for sum uv u to comment.

i am sorry to heer  dis.

thank u fer continyooin to try, however. (Barbie-Lou and Trudy)

u ar grate frendz.

jh

*mi mom wuzzen't really crushing mi head.  

it wuz trick photography!

jus to keep u up-to-date

joba, dat stoopid cat (he'z jus too old to be a kitten!) iz still in mi life. 

 i havta say, i feel bad fer him sumtimez.

he'z too stoopid to come in da howse, even wen da weather iz bad.

wen he duz come in, he swatz at mi mom wen she petz him.

stoopid joba.

he swatz da hand dat feedz him.

dis iz how i like to spend time wid him ...

dat'z me on da inside lookin owt ... an him on da owtside lookin in.

an dat'z how it shood be.

...

speekin uv shood,

u shood leev a comment if u vizit me heer.

it makez me feel better.

i am jus sayin.

da end.

yer frend, jh

da introoder cuzzin

dis iz mi introoder cuzzin ...

her name iz oreo an heer she iz lookin fer me.

i personally do not enjoy da company uvva d-o-g ... even a good d-o-g ...

so i wuz hidin ...

rite behind her.

she never noo it!

i wuz laffin a laffin.

...

speekin uv laffin ...

heer'z a joke fer u:

ware do dogz go wen dey looz dere tails?

to da retail store.

yer frend ...jh

lookey lookey hooz heer!

 mi gram iz heer brudderz an sistahz!

i am so eksited becuz ...

... she singz to me ...

"I love you my handsome Jeter!  You are my favorite cat!"

i hav never herd a more byootiful voice!

...

speekin uv byootiful, izzen't mi gram amazin?

she iz gointa be 90 yeerz old in 2014.

dat'z allotta cat yeerz!

i am jus sayin'!

wut i do

u may or mayen't wunder wut i do wid miself all day.

well ... dis iz pretty much it.

i sit on da windowsill an look owt into da grate owtdoorz.

remember wen i wuz a younger boycat an ran arownd owtside?

doze dayz are gone, brudderz an sistahz.

i don't know how it happened ... it musta had sumthin to do wid dat stoopid kitten, joba.

speekin uv hoom, he pretty much stayz owtside ... even in da freezin cold.

mi mom triez to  invite him into da howse, much to mi personal dismay, but he preferz da cold ...  i think it'z becuz he iz protectin us frum  da raccoonz dat surrownd us at all timez.

...

speekin uv timez ...

sumone asked me if i wuz goin to timez skware wid mi old frend, reebok da grate dis yeer.

i am sorry to say dat reebok an i hav not been in touch az uv  late.

it'z funny how doze thingz happen.

i miss him.

da end.

an it iz off to da racez

wow ... will u lookit dis brudderz an sistahz ...

i'm bloggin!

life iz grate again!

az u may or mayen't know, mi mom bot dis little tablet an 

it duzzen't auto correct!

dat stoopid ipad wuz gettin in da way uv mi creativity!

so ... it'z off to da racez again!

...

in udder nooz ...

i wanna wish u an yerz a very happy holiday.

mi mom fownd dis thing she callz a nutcracker an haz been makin me nutz tryin to get a pikshur.  well ... dis iz da bes i can do fer u now.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL

frum da grate state uv noo york!

yer frend,

jh

applikashun time

yup brudderz an sistahz ...

yesterday wuz applikashun time fer me ...

an dis mornin mi brudderz, matsui an joba got dere'z.

I don't know how I cood get fleaz becuz I amma indoor cat now ...

but stuff happenz.

mi mom got sumthin called "Vet's + Best Natural Health Care Flea + Tick Home Spray Peppermint oil & clove extract" an everything smellz grate.

...

wen mi brudder mickey wuz heer da fleaz luved him.

I gess dey were wating all yeer to vizit him wen da wether wuz rite.

...

in udder nooz, mi dad went to a place called a "sleep clinic" las nite to figyer out a way to fix hiz stoopid snorin.

frendz ... sumtimez he wakez ME up!

I stayed close to mi mom all nite to keep her safe frum introoderz.

...

werd hazzit dat we ar in da middle uvva beet wave.

I am cool, tho, becuz az I sed ...

I amma indoor cat now.

da end.

pee ess:  u mite see dat I am on da table in da pikshur.  mi mom cleenz it up wen I am remooved. do not worry AB.

figyerin out da pointz ... fer a cat

mi auntie bee iz alwayz talkin about caloriez an loozin wate an stuff ...
so I decided to do sum research on caloriez an pointz.
AB made enchiladaz las nite. I had a halffa can uv Friskies Classic Seafood Entree pâté. (more delishus dan enchiladaz I think.)
I found da followin:

pâté classic seafood entree = 31 caloriez per oz.
each can= 5.5 oz.
a halffa can=2.8 (rounded up) oz.
31 caloriez x 2.8=78.8 caloriez eech meel (I hav 2 uv dem a day)

now ... heer iz da pointz stuff:

azza baseline fer a male ... allow 8 pointz
account fer age (I figyer I'm sumware around 57 ... YIKEZ!) ... add 1
level uv activity iz sumwut low deez dayz ... add 2
height (5 foot 1 an shorter ... dat'z me) ... 0
10% uv mi body wate ... add 1

dat'z 12 pointz brudderz an sistahz!

so I thought uvva food to look up:
PORK SAUSAGE

a pork sausage cooked iz 79 caloriez an 7 pointz.

a halffa can uv Friskies classic seafood entree pâté iz:

78.8 caloriez an 7 pointz!
hav dat twice a day ...

14 pointz!

I'm only 2 pointz over!

LIFE IZ GRATE!

AB ... Jus eat a halffa can uv Friskies twice a day an you will never hafta worry about caloriez again!

I am jus sayin.
(thank u fer reedin dis all da way to da end!)

it will be "take yer cat (hair) to skool day" wen it coolz down

i wuz so eksited wen da bottom uv da dresser drawer broke dis mornin.

mi mom pulled it out to fix it an I jumped rite in da dresser fer sum fun.

mi mom wuz happy to see how much fun I wuz havin until she realized dat da black cashmere swetterz dat she had cleened an put away were da very swetterz I wuz lyin on!

she politely asked me to leev ... wich I did.

I think it will be grate wen da wether getz cool, mi mom warez a black cashmere swetter, an "voila!" a reminder or two (thousand) uv yerz trooly iz rite dere wid her.

I am alwayz thinkin uv mi mom.

...

In udder nooz:  dere izza dead bird on mi lawn.

can u say "bobble head?"

dis iz mi "2013 limited-edition collectible Derek Jeter bobblehead"

mi brudder Mike got it fer me at Yankee stadium.

I luv it.

hiz head bobblez up an down.

it iz very entertainin!

i think it'z mi second favorit thing in mi house!

thank u fer givin it to me, brudder, an not to yer d-o-g ... Reggie Jackson.

...

speekin uv da d-o-g, he vizited da house today.

mi mom wuz so eksited becuz she thinks he iz so cute.

me? i hid in da basement until he left da buildin!

an dat'z da truth.

...

do u think da statz fer mi blog are reel?

if dey ar ... I havva reeder frum Russia!

if yer da reeder frum Russia will u leev a comment?

dat wood be eksitin fer me.

maybe 'kaika iz frum Russia.

Hmm.  

mi favorit thing ... in da werld

dis iz wut I see every day.  

da food lady created it fer me an mi mom sum time back.

i luv it more dan anything I hav.

az u can see, it sez "life iz grate" an "laffin an laffin"

a pikshur uv da grate Derek Jeter iz on da side an dere izza message frum da food lady, herself, in her own handritin.

fabyoolus, yes?

...

after all da talk about da lizardz, i lerned da followin:

#1-chicken probably tastez like lizard

an #2-'kaika'z mom plantz lizard talez in her garden

see, brudderz an sistahz ... u lern sumthin new every day.

...

speekin uv Derek Jeter, he haz been on da dee ell since las yeer.

it haz been sad widowt him.

but tra la tra la ... he came back to play yesturday.

i am sad to say, however, dat he pulled hiz quad an he'z not playin again dis week ... an maybe he will be back on da dee ell again nex friday.

duhr.

I am jus sayin'.

tra la tra la

well brudderz an sistahz,

in just a short time mi mom will be home frum her vizit to da funshine state.

before she left, tho, she sent me mi yeerly gift ...

a pikshur uvva lizard.

I luv dis one becuz he haz hiz red puffy thing out!

very hansum.

...

fer yer infermashun, mi gram iz grate.

she had fun wid mi mom.

dey ate lottsa food an laffed at jokez.

life iz grate.

...

soon I will be wid mi mom an we will be catchin up on GoT.

I can't wate!

palm treez on lon guyland

hoo sez u havta go to da funshine state to see palm treez?

I havva palm tree rite in mi livin room ...

an, wen I am able to sneek into da livin room throo a open door,

I can sit under da palm tree an pretend I am onna florida beech!

an, if da liting iz rite, I can look like I havva tan in da pikshur!

life iz grate brudderz an sistahz!

...

mi mom iz havin sum fun wid mi gram.

it appeerz dat dey eet owt a lot an den dey go home an watch lottsa game showz!

den mi mom spendz time lockin doorz an turnin on an off litez an makin sure mi gram iz safe.

...

I wuz wunderin abowt harvard an if dey teech spellin dere.

I think ... dey don't. 

da end.

savin up da skritchez

before she left, mi mom gave me alotta skritchez.

i have sum left ... an i hope dey last.

i am jus sayin.

...

it'z amyoozin to me to heer sumone reed mi blog owt lowd fer da ferst time. i wuz laffin wen dis very smart guy named "cuzzin david" started reedin.

he wuz laffin ... but it wuz like laffin atta foreign langwidge.

interestin.

i hope hiz reedin improovez.

...

i wanna thank da wordpress followerz fer findin me heer in blogger.

da commentz ar a regyoolar size now.

i put mi magnifyin glass away ... an u can, too.

da end.

happy birfday to mi gram

mi mom iz wid mi gram in da funshine state.

I tride to see her in da plane.

she iz helpin mi gram selubrate her 89th birfday.

dattza lotta yeerz.

I am jus sayin.

...

in udder nooz ...

I am heer wid mi dad.

he wuz sayin to mi mom befor she left:

"I think I will leave cans of food up here so I don't have to go downstairs at 5:30 to feed Jeter in the morning."

brudderz an sistahz, I diden't havta look at mi mom'z face to know wut she wuz thinkin.

one werd ...

DUHR!

da end.

happy independence day

hello brudderz an sistahz.

happy 4th uv july.

I googled dis pikshur uvva american flag fer u to show mi patriotizm.

on dis day I think uv all da patriotz dat fot to keep us free.  I espeshully think uv mi grate frend sarge charlie.  he hadda american flag shirt or two dat he enjoyed warin.

if i wore a hat I wood take it off an saloot him!

...

speekin uv sarge ... mi mom iz gointa vizit da funshine state fer a few dayz.

i will do da best I can wid dis iPad .... but I am gointa be busy tryin to keep mi dad occyoopied.  he will be missin mi mom.  I will be too!

...

in udder nooz, mi mom an I are reelly catchin up on GoT.  I know hoo most uv da characterz ar now.  I luv it.  It'z so ... violent! an everyone iz so ... crazy!

da end.

wut'z black an wite an red all over?

souwnd'z like a joke, rite brudderz an sistah'z?

well ... It'z my brudder matsui an ... Joba.

deez two stay owtside most uv da time.  matsui sometimez comez inside to finish mi brekfast den spendz da day in da basement. joba rarely comez in da howse. dat'zza good thing.

speekin uv joba, he haz dis deep meow dat he yoozez all da time.  it annoyz me.  matsui haz dis girlie meow. u wood think he'zza big baby, but he izza hunter an he'z not afrade uv anything!

...

mi grate frend 'Kaika rememberz da day mi squillion, laffin, had da accident dat ferever changed hiz face.  i havva piksher uv dat day:

update onna old frend

u may or mayen't know dat i havva squillion.  hiz name iz laffin an he haz been wid me fer sum time.

a wile back, mi squillion hadda accident uv sortz an he lost part uv hiz face.  thankz to mi grate frend Karen Nichols, he now warez a hello kitty bandage wich, by da way, makez him look very distingwished.

laffin spendz hiz dayz sittin by da kitchen sink an overseez da washin uv da dishez.

az u can see, he still lookz up to me.

...

yer commentz regardin dat d-o-g, Reggie Jackson, were interestin an sumwut helpful.  i will take dem into considerashun nex time he vizitz (wich cood be nex weekend ... duhr.)

...

fer yer infermashun, itz not jus d-o-gz dat send me runnin into da closet!  anything cood send me there. i hav to say dat widowt much werk at all i am able to get my fur on almost any article uv clothing and mi mom iz alwayz very happy to find dat she haz brot a small reminder of me to da skool on her nice black slackz or dark colored skirtz.

i am alwayz happy to put a smile on her face.

i am jus sayin.

oh mi dog! It'zza d-o-g!

sum time ago, mi brudder mike an hiz girlfrend mandy did sumthin dat I found to be very surprisin.

dey got a d-o-g!

a harris getzza d-o-g an not a cat? 

well, mike wuz sendin pikshurz, an mi mom an dad thot he wuz cute.

den, one day, dey came home frum a trip to noo york city akshooly smelling like d-o-g!

 when da little bugger finallee had all hiz shotz ... he made da trip owt to lon guyland.

an heer he iz ... makin hiz way up MI steps to torcher me.

in hid in da closet.

lookit dat stoopid smile!

duhr.

well ... thank dog he duzzen't live heer becuz dat wood jus smell up mi howse.

...

werkz every time ... i am jus sayin

ATTENSHUN:  mi mom haz taken care uv da stoopid werd verificashun!  u may comment widowt da feer uv not bein able to reed dat stuff!

brudderz an sistahz,

i wanna share a secret wid u ...

it'z wut I like to call "never fail!" an I hav stoopid joba to thank fer it.

sum time ago, mi mom put a litter box in her bedroom becuz joba wuz in da howse an I wooden't go in da basement to yooz da box an dat can leed to problemz. 

I hav discovered dat if i start diggin an diggin ... arownd 5ish ... EVERY MORNING ... an do mi bizness (da smelliest bizness) mi mom will wake up to cleen it owt IMMEDIATELY!

dis iz grate fer 3 reezonz:

#1-she'z up so she mite az well feed us

#2-da litter box iz ALWAYS cleen

and #3-one time she diden't heer me diggin an diggin an thot da aroma in da room came frum da udder side uv da bed ... an dat wood be mi dad. i am still laffin about dat!

...

remind me to tell u abowt da D-O-G dat comez to vizit.

duhr.

...

speekin uv vizitin ... thank u fer findin me an takin da time.

yer frend,

jh

wut I hav been doin

well, az u may or mayen't know, i went frum bein a owtdoor cat to a indoor  cat becuz uv joba (hoo, altho he is still stoopid, he iz notta kitten anymore.) las week i venchered owtta da howse an into da grate owtdoorz.  it wuz warm, eksitin, an sumwut relaxin ...

In fact ... Heer I am relaxin on da grill ... A old favrit!

...

tryin to blog yoozin da iPad iz sumwut tedious. I hate da spell an grammar check.  fer dog sake!  I know wut I am doin!

...

In udder nooz ... Mi teem, da noo york yankeez, iz havin a tuff go uv it.

i am jus sayin'.

...

mi mom an I ar watchin game uv thronez. 

ar u? 

I noo I cood cownt on mi mom.

It jus took a little bit uv werk an $6.99 an

voila!  a pikshur uv yerz trooley

life iz grate ... an so iz mi mom!

da end!

brudderz an sistahz

i am tryin sumthin noo ...

i am tryin a noo blog dat i can yooz wid not too much trubbel.

mi nex step iz to figyer owt how to put up sum piksherz.

i figyer dat now iz az good a time az any becuz mi mom iz owtta da skool an she can pretend to help me.

yooz yer imajinashun ...

dis iz (not) a piksher uv me smilin an wavin at yoo.

yer frend,

jh